True Sh*t 6: Interview With The The Byronic Cat

I had to participate in a mock interview with The Wife the other day. It was an assignment for some kind of drug counseling class. She explained that I was to play the role of an addict and she would be my counselor. The Wife would record the session and turn it in to the instructor for an evaluation. I didn't get a choice as to what my addiction was.

I'm told that I am a meth addict and I am promiscuous. I guess I turn tricks for money, so I must be between 'before meth', normal looking, and 'after meth', the sore ridden getting close to death look. I don't care how crazy-horny someone is, post meth is not marketable, so I decided I was mid-meth. I got into character and off we went.

One question asked how would I alter my sexual pracites to lessen my exposure to STDs. What actions would I choose and which would I refrain from? A potential answer was sex without exchanging fluids. I think, "That won't pay well. If they don't spurt today I won't get any money." I don't circle that option.

She's talking about Hepatitis C, and I ask about the others. What's the difference between Hepatitis A, B, and C? She stops the tape. Oops! Did we not study that? I did get exposed to A or B at a restaurant (forgot which). Twice. So if I turn tricks, I could get all three, right? Got to know your ABCs.

She told us about the methods of preventing the transmission of STDs. One involved placing sandwich wrap over a woman's vagina. I found it hard to believe. And what a mood killer that has to be. I'm not a guru on sex devices, but I'm telling you that if I tear off a sheet of Glad Sandwich Wrap, my trick will be up and gone before I set the box down. Hard to keep the jokes at bay too. Will she stay fresh and excited longer? If I see a bold color beneath the wrap, does that mean I got a good seal? It was hard to keep a straight face and stay in character after that one.

You'll have to excuse me, sugar. Got to put on my fishnets and hit the streets.