If it ain't broke, don't blog it

A lot of the blogs I read are very amusing. They're a challenge for that writer to live through, but sometimes, they give us a laugh, and a chance to keep our troubles in perspective. So I'm thinking, I don't have the kinds of headaches I'm reading about. Peace and harmony are paramount for me, so I try to minimize trouble that may occur under my roof.

But I want a blog that people tune into with regularity. I want them to say, "What has the Alley Cat got into today?"

Let's see...

Family: Nope. Getting along. The in-laws that used to live here are gone.

Wifey-Do's friends: Drunk-friend is out. "Sexy Always Gets Away With It Girl" never comes around. Not while I'm home. Bitch.

The bills are paid. Debt gone. House projects done. House sold. I'm employed, as always. Hmmmm...

Wait a minute. One of my bicycles got a flat tire. Hold on. I'm getting choked up. I'm getting angry! I'm doing a Fred Sanford, staggering about the house while clutching my chest saying, "This is the big one!" Oh, I really feel it now! This is a tragedy of such magnitude that I must turn this post over to someone who can express what I'm going through with the proper care and concern...

And now a word from Sally Struthers:

Hello I'm Sally Struthers. I would like to introduce you to a friend of mine, The Alley Cat. Here in the rose city, The Alley Cat rides a bicycle. Like many, he took a stand against the greed and corruption of the mighty oil companies. But it's hard. There's more than that. So much more. Portland General Electric, a former part of Enron, has steadily increased their utility rates. The cost of a house is soaring, as thoughtless Californians come across the border and pay face value for the first house they see. And what untold dangers of the Trojan Nuclear plant, shut down for safety issues, are affecting him now? And another tragedy has struck. One that may make him a shell of a man. The Alley Cat's racing bicycle got another flat tire. But you can help. For the price of a daily cup of coffee at Starbucks, he can stock up on patch kits, inner tubes, and spare tires. Won't you help? Please, dig deep, and send more than you can afford to "My_racing_tires_are_prone_to_punctures.org" either with paypal or visa. Thank you for your time, and God bless.

Thank you, Sally. It would be hard for me to say that as well as you. I'm becoming weary from lack of sleep. I'm kept awake by a green glow coming from somewhere in the room.