Breakup Day

While prowling the Internet, I read about National Breakup Day. It's June 2nd, but my gears are already turning. I'm going to do something about it now.

I don't have a girlfriend and I had better leave the wife out of this, so I'll just make something up. You know what I'm going to do? Just for fun, I am going to break up with the sex bloggers I've read. All three of them. That's what I'll do. I'll compress them into a single persona and say goodbye. They won't even notice I'm gone. There. The person is quickly coming into focus. I see her. It's time to lower the boom...


I'm sitting at a booth in a Shari's restaurant. A trucker sits at the counter, sips his coffee, and stares into space. He wears a thick jacket and a cap. Although I can't see the front of his cap, I'm sure it's advertising a heavy equipment company. A waitress huffs at the cook who hands her a plate full of food. The place is quiet, but inside I'm anxious. I have bad news for someone. I hear the door open with a low boom, and Tina (I'll call her Tina) comes in and the air changes. It gets heavy. It's something I feel when I see someone who's day is about to be ruined.

She takes the seat across from me. Her black hair falls around her shoulders, and her skin has a glow. She's always glowing.

"Hi. How are you?" I'm already starting to cower.

"Hi."

There is no other way to do this except to jump right in.

"Honey, I've been reading you for about a year, you know, and I have something to tell you."

She smiles and sits calmly with her hands together resting on the table, fingers interlaced, and her cool blue eyes are looking into me. When she looks at me like that, I feel like I've come to a battle of wits carrying a plastic squirt gun.

"I just want to say that this isn't about you. It's me. I know you have it together..." She lets out a little moan, rubs her head, then she chuckles.

"I had four orgasms in a row, and during the last one I banged my head against the bedpost. Now I have a headache" She looks up. "I'm sorry, go ahead."
"Yes. Well... Four? What were you doing?"

That was a dumb question. What did I think she was doing? I see her lying on her bed. A bed with a large walnut headboard and two big posts on either side. A beast of a man is on top of her, smoothly going in and out, her legs are up in the air on either side of him, with each stroke they wave back and fourth like a whip antennae, the bed rocks and creaks, she grunts and smiles, and she's glowing like neon. Am I jealous? Perhaps a little.

"I was playing with myself. With my vibe."
"Oh." I feel a little better. "You said you had four?"
"The batteries ran down."

My eyes flutter and I rub them with my fists to make them stop. I get back on topic.

"Well, I need to, uh, I need a little more, umm, what I mean is," I slap my hands down on the table, "I'm missing the other things, normal day to day things..."

She squirms briefly. I pause for a moment, then I go on.

"I know it's crazy, but I look for..." I notice something's changed. At least I think it has. "Wait. I'm sorry, but, your boobs, has something happened to them?"

"They're the same as always."
"I thought something was different."
"Nope. Same as always. See?"

She pulls her top up. They jiggle as the bottom of her shirt passes over them. Her breasts have big rings around the nipples, and I feel as though they are looking at me. She pulls her shirt back over them and I fearfully look around. My god, did anyone see her do that?

"No bra today," She whispers and her eyes widen. "I set them free."

"Free. Okay. Um, I was saying..." My forehead is beginning to hurt. I have to close my eyes. "What was I saying? Yes. I'm changing."

Her dark hair has come over her shoulders, and She runs her hand through it. With her hair going down her back, I see something on her neck. She notices that I see it, and looks at me with raised eyebrows, then takes the napkin from the table and wipes it off.

"I got a pearl necklace earlier today. It was nice. It came from a package my neighbor brought me." She really pursed her lips and flared her eyes when she said the word package.
"The neighbor?"
"He said he meant to give it to his wife, but he felt it looked better on me."
I'm jealous again and say nothing, I just slowly nod my head.
"I think he's sweet." She shrugs her shoulders. "I'm sorry, I keep interrupting you. Go ahead."

I've been sitting in her presense long enough that I'm starting to feel shaky. It's something I can't help. It starts in my hands and jumps into my chest and I've got this little shake going on inside me.

"Honey, I'm not trying to put you down, we're different. I need something more, and you, well, you just write about sex."

The waitress startles me when she walks up to the table and asks us what we'll have to eat. I worry that she heard what I said. I tell her I'll just have a strawberry lemonade. Tina shakes her head and smiles. The waitress leaves.

"Don't you think of anything besides sex?"
"Sure." She's leaning on the table. Her arms are at her sides, and they make her breasts well up beneath the cut of her top. "But who cares about that?"

She sits back then immediately rises a bit out of her seat as though she's been pricked by something. She holds her hand out to stop me from saying anything more, then reaches behind her, into her pants. She's holding herself up, fishing about, then she pulls out a shiny stainless steel object and wraps it up in the napkin then puts it down next to her on the seat. I crane myself up just a little to look at it.

"Don't let me forget that."
"Uh... Sure."

I try to ignore that thing. The waitress comes back with my strawberry lemonade. She barely slows down enough to set it on the table, and continues on. I wait until she gets to the other side of the restaurant.

"Did you take that out of..?" I see her nodding.

One corner of her mouth curls up a little, then she suddenly comes out of her seat and grabs my lemonade, and I draw back as though she meant to strike me. Her face is close and she brings my glass to her mouth, lowers her head, keeps her eyes locked on mine, and takes the straw in her mouth. I watch her lips close tight around the straw and her cheeks pull in as she sucks the strawberry lemonade inside. I watch her throat move as she swallows. She sets the glass on the table with a loud smack and sits down on her unoccupied bottom.

"Great things can happen down there."

I feel as though a huge fist has knocked me to the mat. A moment of silence passes. I gather myself together, like sweeping up the pieces of a broken plate. Got to get all the little pieces.

"I just have to ask, are you always aroused?"
"Maybe. What's wrong with that?" She looks at my glass. "I should have ordered something to eat."

She notices there is a whole strawberry in the lemonade, fishes it out with a fork, and holds it in front of her by the stem. It dangles before her like a tea bag. Her tongue slips out from between her lips and rubs the bottom of the strawberry, then she tilts her head back and bobs it in and out of her mouth a few times before closing her lips on it. I hear a tiny pop when she pulls the stem off.

"I'm sorry. I'm not paying attention."
I can only shake my head, "Perhaps it's a new kind of ADHD."
"Are you going to punish me?"
"Punish?"
"For playing with my food and being rude. Maybe you should send me to my room without any supper."
"I thought you were hungry."
"I think I should get a spanking for being rude."
"I'm trying to tell you something."
"And I'm trying to tell you something. I'm telling you that I'm bad and you should spank me for it. You should tie my wrists with a white silk scarf, then bend me over something, like the end of my couch, pull my pants down and spank my bare butt with your hand." She brightens as she says that.
"I'm not going to do that."
She pouts. "Okay."

We're silent, and I look at her again. Her skin has such a smooth, even tone. Her cool blue eyes have a light in them like looking at a crystal or into a kaleidoscope; the light shifts and twinkles. Her arms are graceful and her hands have long fingers that look so gentle, and I know they feel cool and soft. Even when they're grasping someone who is moving back and forth over and into her, I'm sure they still have a softness. Her hips are round and a bit wider than her waist. There's something so right about that. It attracts something deep in me, something primordial, and I want to cling to her hips. I look at her breasts, round and big, and say I'm not a boob man. Their size doesn't matter. Just give me two. I look at them and she looks at me, gently biting her lower lip and smiling. She subtly begins to move around in her seat, twisting her shoulders left and right. Alright. Fine. I'm a boob man. By now I'm so weak that at any moment I'm going to fold up. That's when she reaches across the table and her fingers touch my wrist and a bit of my energy returns. She's focused on me.

"So, what were you going to say?"
"Nothing. I'm okay now."
"So you'll stop by and read me now and then?"
"Yes."
"You're okay?"
"Sure. Like I said, it's me. I just need to get it together."
"Good." She's happy and pats my hand.

So much for break up day.